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Monday, August 17, 2009

Untitled

She covers her eyes-shyly,
and begins to sing;
words one by one
open up-as a petal
from a flower-
that is blind to its own
beauty.
And i
in a moment of
self conviction
sit still and listen;
As
through an embarassed
gesture
comes a senile love song-
a favorite of mine
words made up-
words
perfectly put together-
a song from closed eyes.

16 comments:

Ashy said...

Beautiful :-)

Trybes said...

Enchanted?....nice poem

Tricia said...

i love :-)

akaBagucci said...

Nice one mehn....

lulu said...

darling...what... my heart stopped for a moment, the visual effect is sooooo strong! i love it, i can see you in that room watching her sing... good visual keep working at visual till we can taste smell, see and feel through your pen!

the walking man said...

Robyn

First rethink your punctuation. NOT your line breaks, just the punctuation. It may be that having just finished a two month battle with my friend and editor on punctuation in my book (STINK)that makes me see it more.

Second...This piece is golden. Has all the key elements of superb.

Beautiful subject matter. Gives a picture most every reader will take and look at, walk around and and hope that they too will be able to experience the narrators feeling at least once in their life.

And finally by the end line we, your audience, are hearing that song sung from lips much older than ours but a mind much younger and more free.

Well done sir.

Poet & Writer said...

I still love it and all that you write. Blessings Robyn

Poet & Writer said...

I still love it and all that you write. Blessings Robyn

normzo said...

whenever i read your poems- i just wish i knew alot more about poems-

just know i am getting my knowledge from here.

Jackie E. said...

I have to agree with Lulu, the visual effect is very strong and I just sit and experience very vivid imagery of what you wrote about. Lovely:-)

Robyn said...

this poem was a tricky.
@ the walking man - am trying to work on the punctuation,ill release a revised version soon.
@Poet & Writer appreciate it.

Kute said...

i swear i could cry on this.
the picture in my mind is quite amazing.

K said...

what else can I say but thumbs up!

eclecticsoul said...

a song from closed eyes. wow. do you have an anthology out, i want to buy it!

Eaton Bennett said...

A beautiful piece of poetry, your words paint a moving picture in my mind.

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