© 2008-2017

The works this blog are the expressly held rights of Robyn .K.Y. Reproduction (print, electronic or any other form) is prohibited without the express written permission of the author.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Journal Extract : Father Vs Dad (Through the Eyes of a Lone Soldier)

The words ‘dad’ and ‘father’ are very similar on the surface and yet, I think to many people they hold very different meanings;Growing up I had a father,a father who made sure and went out of his way to make sure that i was provided for.He woke up every day to go work and make sure there was food on the table and returned every evening to read the paper, take a bath and sleep.Once in a while,he took time to talk to me about grades,degrees and how he hoped i aimed for a PHD.As much as that was important i wanted him , not to just talk to me but also take time to Chat with me,know me and befriend me.I wanted him to take me to football matches,and tell me the different stages of pre-manhood and Manhood like how to shave,love and wear a Suit.I wanted him to tell me about the thin line that lies between love and pain and how a man should walk and talk,i needed a comrade-to hold my back in war,talk to me about my first time,my first girl and what to do when she broke my heart;Instead i grew up a Lone soldier with a father and had to walk my self through the tests and Challenges of being male.Not having a bigger brother, i needed a role model- someone i could look up to and say to my self "I WANT TO BE JUST LIKE YOU WHEN I GROW UP".Honestly i grew up with a father but i needed my dad more.I hope for my little girl and little man i get to be more than father. I love my Father but i greatly miss my Dad.

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Untitled (For Di)

I wish I knew what it is exactly
that makes me both excited and
frightened of you.
I want to hold your hand
and say things that matter-
But suddenly the
words remain entangled
somewhere deep
in my chest.
There is something about you-
i just don’t Know what.
I try to write about
you in my journal,
Something at least,
that would help me explain
you to myself but
nothing except your name
exists, could there be a better poem.
am excited and yet I still
don’t know why
Suddenly nothing matters.
I wish i knew what it is exactly
that makes me both frightened and
excited about you

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

An extract from my Journal

I don't like the way i act toward Peaches.I constantly experience her as a very attractive woman,and yet the whole time i act like a polite eunuch.When i feel my maleness sexually,i want to consciously decide whether to act it out.When being an asexual nice-guy is a pretense,it is also self-betrayal.A decision can come from strength or self doubt.I see now that i want every act to be a self-affirming choice.

My feelings may demand action but they do not require it,I am free to choose what my body represents.To act out does not "get it out".In fact,acting it out often re-enforces the emotion and imprints it more deeply on my mind.One thing only is predictable about emotions:They will change.I don't have to "Honor" every passing feeling as if an opportunity for self-fulfillment were actually slipping from my grasp.

Monday, March 14, 2011

A Note to My Self

Anxiety,fear,panic is running away mentally,not physically.There is something over there in the corner of my mind,some thought,some image,that i don't want to look at.Fear is based on the belief that i am safer not seeing,like a child closing its eyes as the ball comes towards it.Awareness is the 1st step to freeing the mind.I must not only hear the fear out but question it closely as to the answer it is suggesting.Just as with Nightmare,most fears will fall by the weight of their own nonsense-Once they are bluntly seen

Now,Being my self includes taking risks with myself,putting a side fear,taking risks on new behavior,trying new ways of thinking and being,so i can come to know how it feels to walk hand in hand with my self.

#Notes to Myself

Lately I've been struggling,Spiritually and emotionally.I have been thinking of my self and what path i should take or what path i am currently on.A struggle between Poetry and photography ,Between God and Me,But mostly between taking a leap of faith and Fear.


© 2008-2011

The works this blog are the expressly held rights of Robyn .K.Y. Reproduction (print, electronic or any other form) is prohibited without the express written permission of the author.

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